Dear friend,

Time is precious, especially when you're caring for a child with additional needs. So in this issue we take a look at how we prioritise our time – including making time for ourselves.

You've probably heard an airline steward saying "Put your own oxygen mask on first, before helping your children." This is good advice, even if it is contrary to all our parenting instincts! When deprived of oxygen, we quickly get confused and lose consciousness, and then we become a liability to our children, not a help.

In the same way, we need to take care of ourselves if we are to continue to be able to look after our child with additional needs. That can be difficult, but we do need to ensure we have some 'me' time, as well as making time for our partner and our children.

With best wishes

Maggie and Richard Stapleton
Care for the Family

PS It may sound silly, but have you tried booking time out for yourself in your diary, and treating it with the same priority as you do with other appointments? You can do the same for your family time. Give it a go and see!

In his book The Sixty Minute Marriage, Rob Parsons describes how we need to make a conscious decision about the use of our time. Each day comes to us with 1,440 minutes and, whatever our circumstances, it will always be a challenge to choose how to use those minutes.

Is our child with additional needs taking ‘too much time’? Should I be spending more time with the other children? What about my partner, my friends, me? There are no easy choices, but it is important to occasionally take stock and see if the way I’m spending my time really reflects the priorities I would choose for my life. In his book, Rob gives an example from a letter he received:

"After the baby was born, I went straight back to work – and I mean straight back! … I’ve got help in the house, every time-saving gadget that humans have ever devised. I've got a great career. The only thing I haven't got is time. I haven't got time for my husband, my child, and I haven't got time for me. People think I'm the typical 'make-it-happen' woman. The truth is, my life is falling apart."

Anna is the carer for her younger son (now aged 18) who has Asperger Syndrome. She is one of the Another Way team of befrienders who offers telephone support to parents caring for a child with additional needs. She finds that making some time for herself enables her to support other people better.

Two encouraging items of news have crossed my desk in recent weeks. It is good to know that the concerns of parents caring for a child with additional needs are being listened to. The first is a Government announcement about a £35 million initiative to improve childcare provision for disabled children; the second is the provision of new legal support for people affected by autism.

Caring for a child with special needs places additional pressure on all aspects of our life and relationships. Speaking to one of the Another Way telephone befrienders allows you to ‘say the unsayable’ to someone who understands.

Support on the phone

Parents need to know that others who have ‘walked that path’ are available to help. Our team of befrienders is only a phone call away – simply call (029) 2081 0800 to be put in touch with a befriender.

Support in your inbox

This email newsletter is sent out regularly to parents caring for a child with additional needs. You’ll read real-life stories, guidance and information from those who have already walked this journey, and continue to do so. Do you have a story to tell? We’d love to hear from you about the joys and challenges of life with your special child – you can email us here.